I was at Yin recently, relaxing into a pose and trying to remain present, when I tuned in to what Helen was saying. She was telling us that it didn't matter what the pose looked like, that if we were feeling something in the target area then we were doing enough. Enough. I stored the word away to ponder over later. Enough, a rarely accepted amount in a world where we constantly strive for more.
I am currently teaching a class of 11 year-olds, where feelings of uncertainty and inadequacy are thick in the air. The vast majority do not feel they are enough. Not pretty enough, smart enough, popular enough, tall enough, thin enough.... it's very sad to observe. There are additional pressures now, more awareness of celebrity with exposure to endless images of the unattainable, and of course social media. I try to convince them that they are enough; that each one of them is unique, with talents and strengths that they should be proud of. That to be yourself, and to like yourself is really important. I don't imagine it's working, just as it wouldn't have if somebody had tried telling me the same thing at the age of eleven...
As a younger woman, I was certainly not content with enough. Constantly striving to get everything done and to be better; dissatisfied and constantly striving. I set my standards high, had difficulty handing responsibility at work and home to anyone else, as they wouldn't do things the way I wanted. It's a wonder I didn't burn myself out. Age brings a different perspective. Lazier, fatter, more slapdash, and more content and self-confident than I've ever been. Crazy. So what if the windows need cleaning, or my hair is a mess? There's always tomorrow, where I'll doubtless find something more interesting to do...
We're not particularly wealthy, but we have enough. I get dreadful house envy when we see where friends or colleagues live. Our house is modest, untidy and pretty unclean. The sofas sag, moths have eaten the corners of the carpet, every room needs redecorating. But it's home, our busy, happy and reassuringly familiar home. Paul worries that we won't have enough money to retire, I know we will. There may need to be less trips to the pub, perhaps arrive at a new definition of enough with regards to beer... I'm not averse to some seasonal work if we're struggling. It is simply time to start the next phase of life. We have enough, our house is good enough, we've worked long enough. Opportunity soon to focus on the aspects that didn't get enough time, like ourselves, and each other
Shortly after that Yin session I heard these song lyrics on Radio 2, "I am what I am, and what I am needs no excuses". Wish somebody had told my eleven year old self that this belief would come in time, although she would never have believed it!
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