Back to the Present

I'm a shocker for looking forward; to holidays, next weekend, later on and, of late, to retirement. I make plans and lists, colour code future events in my calendar app, count off days. I know how many working days I have to go until retirement, and its still over 2 years away!

I'm the same on a cycle ride. The route is 60 miles, perhaps, so I'm working out fractions or percentages constantly. 9 miles in, that's 15% done, 85% to go and so on. Riding some of the big climbs in France that give you countdown markers at 1km intervals - I love them! If I'm suffering on the bike this helps no end. I'm feeling broken, but only 20% left so I can do this! Motivational thinking at all times, stops me thinking about my tired legs, aching shoulders, or how I'll ever complete this climb.

I've recently finished writing the school reports for my class, a time consuming task that I find arduous, and I was calculating the percentage complete throughout! Halfway there now, i can do this. All downhill from here. My own school report would read that I'm good at fractions and percentages

The problem with all of this, motivational as it may be, is that I often neglect the present. If I'm suffering I am masking it, glossing over it, rather than noticing it and being at peace with it. I've not mastered the meditation aspect of yoga, so when Helen is talking in Yin class my mind takes off in all sorts of directions, thinking things over instead of being present. She says to stay in the present, to notice the discomfort if it's there, to accept it. I do notice it and accept it but then my mind wanders off and refuses to dwell on it as it should. I try reciting a mantra in my head to keep me focused, but it appears my brain can multi-task. I've recently started, inspired by Freeze the Fear with Wim Hof, having a go at his breathing method. That makes me focus, and is a rather weird experience that makes me an observer of my own body when I get it right. I enjoy it, but not sure if it's helping me to find a way of getting back to the present in everyday situations. I need to find that way as I don't want to miss any more of my life; it's only going to happen once. This moment will only happen once. At some point in the future, for all of us, the sun will set and there will be no more moments. Whether its a moment of happiness or discomfort I want to take notice of it.

Now, where's my list, I've got a lot to do before weekend arrives...