Bit of a downbeat post this week, my apologies...
Went to Yin and Ashtanga this week after a 3 week break. I had a very tough time at both, felt like I was back at square one. Paul and I had spent a wonderful, sunny, fairly active 12 days in Tenerife. We walked miles, climbed a volcano or two, went mountain biking, swam in the sea, danced....We ate some delicious food and enjoyed a beer or two, and a cocktail or three. Consequently many euros were spent and many pounds gained. We had a great time, but then we needed to come home to what appeared to be a repeat of winter, the washing, work and a struggle to fit into any clothes.
Yin yesterday was a struggle. My feet seemed further away than they had been last month, and my hips were pretty seized up. Slightly sore from that I went to Ashtanga today. I was late as I'd got lost in guitar practise so had to put my mat next to the mirror. I tried to keep my eyes away from it, but unfortunately caught sight of my exposed abdomen in scorpion pose. I hope nobody else had to see that, it was horrible.
So, I am feeling sorry for myself and have consoled myself with some crisps, and a big lump of cheese. And tonight I plan to drink beer and drown my sorrows. I'm a rational person; I understand that I'm only compounding the problem by my actions today. I am also very in tune with myself and know that until I'm ready my efforts will result in failure and associated negative feelings.
I have heard others says that they cannot understand why some people are overweight, why don't they do something about it? I know why. Crisps, cheese and beer pick up my spirits when I'm feeling low. They taste nice. I know they're not helping but in that moment I just want the pick-me-up they give. Then the next day I feel disappointed with myself, need cheering up and the cycle repeats. After a while I don't want to go out because of weight gain so opt to stay in wearing my pj's to eat the crisps and cheese. Exercise is harder because I'm heavier, so I avoid it.The problem compounds. Before long I have a sizeable problem on my hands.
I know myself, I've been here before. When I've wrestled myself into the correct mindset I will address the issues. I will claw myself back to my normal (pretty low) level at yoga, I will get out on my bike and eat sensibly. I will lose weight and my clothes will fit. All despite the occasional beer - got to have some treats!
So, if you're with me at the moment, stuck in a negative cycle, have faith. Keep up the yoga, it's good for the soul, and be kind to yourself. When you're ready climb out - I'll see you on the other side.